Almost Lost Read online

This was Ryan’s space. A couple of leather jackets and dress shirts, many more T-shirts and casual tops, piles of jeans, and a few tracksuits. On the inside of the door, as he had promised, was the children’s timetable.

  Cassie made a note on the relevant days.

  She wondered if she should ask Ryan about it, and that night, while they were having their glass of wine, she plucked up the courage to do it.

  “I noticed that there are still some of Trish’s clothes in the cupboard,” she said.

  Ryan nodded, grimacing.

  “She took what she could fit into the boxes she’d brought, and she promised she’d be back to get the rest. She hasn’t been, and I don’t mind. It means she’s not here and not in my space and I don’t have to think about it, if you see where I’m going with this.”

  Cassie nodded.

  “If you want to give them away, let me know. I can do it for you.”

  “That’s a very kind offer, and I think I might just take you up on it, for most of the clothes, anyway. There are a few that I know she will still want, so as soon as I have a chance, I’ll go through them. Once that’s done, I can parcel up what she needs.”

  “That sounds like a good idea,” Cassie agreed.

  “You know, you’re an absolute life saver. I’m so grateful that you’re here.” He smiled.

  Cassie had been working hard on keeping the lid on her crush, and she was pleased that she was able to smile in a professional way, without blushing or stammering or showing him that his words were making her melt inside.

  Telling him how she felt could only lead down the dangerous road to disappointment. After all, Ryan was a wealthy business owner with film star good looks, while she was just a penniless traveler, even if his kindness and praise made her feel like somebody more special.

  *

  The next day, as Ryan had another long day at work, she cooked again. This time, she tried her hand at shrimp pasta with lemon and garlic. She was worried that it might not be to the children’s taste, although she’d asked them if they were willing to try it, and was delighted when they both declared it delicious.

  “You’re a cookery genius,” Ryan said after taking the first bite.

  “I’m not. I don’t know much at all about it and all I’ve been doing is following the recipes in the cookbooks,”

  Ryan shook his head.

  “Cooking is more than that. Even with a recipe, there’s still feel and instinct involved. People either have a flair for it or they don’t, and you do.”

  Madison nodded.

  “You’re a great cook, Cassie. You haven’t made one yuck thing the whole time you’ve been here. I love your food. Could you dish me some more, please?”

  Ryan smiled fondly at his daughter.

  “I’m pleased you are enjoying shrimp. Remember the last time you tried it, when we went on holiday to Madrid last year, and you hated the paella so much that the waiter had to bring you a hamburger instead?”

  “That wasn’t me, though,” Madison corrected him. “It was Cousin Tess. She wouldn’t eat the paella and so she got a burger but she didn’t like the burger either so she just had chips. I ate the paella but I picked the shrimp out.”

  “Your cousin wasn’t with us at that meal, though,” Ryan said.

  “She was. Tess and her mum came along with us.”

  “No, I remember it clearly, Madison,” Ryan said in a decisive tone. “It was you who refused the paella, because I remember thinking to myself how strange it was that my own daughter wouldn’t eat a bite of the very best food we had on that whole holiday.”

  Madison looked appealingly at Dylan, but he just shrugged. Cassie expected her to keep arguing back, because she was usually as tenacious about her opinions as a bulldog with a bone. But to her surprise, Madison just lowered her head and devoured her second helping. She didn’t look happy, but she didn’t speak about the incident again, and after a short silence, Cassie filled the uncomfortable gap in the conversation by asking what the program was for school tomorrow.

  “We’re both in the school play and there’s a dress rehearsal at the town hall after school,” Madison said.

  “Where must I fetch you from?” Cassie asked.

  “We can catch the bus back,” Madison said. “It runs right past the town hall.”

  Intrigued by the mention of a performance, Cassie asked, “What’s the play about? What are your roles?”

  “Dylan is backstage crew, but they appear on stage, they wear these shirts saying “Crew” and run on and change the scenes.”

  “It’s a very important role,” Dylan added. “We have to be fast, but at the same time we also have to look like factory workers while making the audience laugh, so we’re actors too. There are five of us, and they only picked people who were tall and strong.”

  “I can see you’re crucial to the action,” Cassie agreed. “What about you, Maddie?”

  “I am Veruca Salt.” Madison looked proud.

  “That’s one of the main characters, isn’t it?” Cassie said, trying to remember the book, which she’d read as a child.

  “Yes, it is. I’m the spoiled brat whose father gives her everything!”

  Ryan laughed, shaking his head.

  “And I’m the youngest person to have a speaking part,” she continued.

  “That’s incredible. When’s the play itself?”

  “It’s on Saturday afternoon.”

  Madison scraped her fork across the empty plate to get the last of the sauce, licked it, and put it neatly down.

  “I have tickets,” Ryan said.

  “And don’t forget, we have a cast sleepover that night,” Madison reminded him.

  “What’s that?” Cassie asked.

  “They’re performing the play the following morning as part of an inter-school arts festival in Canterbury. So the cast are traveling to a hotel after the Saturday show, and staying overnight. Then they’ll be dropped back at school later on Sunday,” Ryan explained.

  “I’ll put it on the timetable and be there to pick you up when you get back,” Cassie said.

  *

  In the morning she awoke to find the first winter storm had arrived.

  A massive cold front had blown in, bringing with it howling winds and driving rain. Cassie was woken by the gusts of rain drumming against her window, and realized as soon as she got out of bed that the temperature had dropped sharply. Suddenly the low setting of the central heating seemed uncomfortable, and she rushed to get dressed, putting on thick socks and several layers of clothing.

  Concerned about the children standing outside in this icy, blowing rain, she drove them to the bus stop and waited until the bus arrived. Then they made a run for it, sprinting through the rain and leaping over puddles before reaching the bus doors.

  Arriving home cold and wet after the short run from the car to the house, Cassie headed to the kitchen to warm up by the fire. Here, she was surprised to see Ryan making a pot of tea.

  “Good morning, lovely,” he greeted her and she felt herself flush with the pleasure of the compliment, and the prospect of being able to spend some unexpected time with him.

  “Is everything all right?” she asked. “I thought I heard you leave earlier.”

  “I only stayed at work long enough to make a call on the weather. There’s no repair work going to be done today with this storm. I’ve postponed the new crew. It’s supposed to clear for a while this afternoon, but we can’t get any work started till tomorrow.”

  “Oh dear. That must be playing havoc with your timing.”

  “I always factor in a few non-operational days this time of year, so it’s not a catastrophe. The main problem was the previous repair crew’s schedule. Thankfully we have some extra time now, with a new team on board.”

  “What are you going to do today?” Cassie asked, pouring the tea.

  “I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on, but it won’t take long. So if I can give you a hand doing anything, let me know.”<
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  “I will,” Cassie replied, delighted to have Ryan to herself for the day.

  The paperwork seemed to take him no time at all, and he helped her with the chores she’d become used to doing—tidying the rooms, emptying the dishwasher, putting on a load of laundry.

  “You know, this really does feel like domestic bliss,” he commented jokingly. “I’m sure chores become mundane and annoying when you do them every day, but once in a while, and especially with such pleasant company, I’m finding this fun.”

  “You think you’d be a good house-husband?” Cassie joked, then blushed crimson as she realized how forward the comment must have sounded. But Ryan winked at her before replying in a serious tone.

  “I think I’d be a brilliant one.”

  By lunchtime, all the chores were done and the house was tidy.

  “I have to admit, as an outdoor person, this weather gives me cabin fever,” Ryan said. “Do you want to head down the pub for lunch? We’ll get absolutely soaked on the walk, but they have a roaring fire there so we can eat, dry out, and have a pint or two—and then do the same thing all over again on the way back if it’s still raining. I know it will be fun, and I’d love to do it with you.”

  “That sounds wonderful,” Cassie said, thrilled to be going on an outing with him, and thanking her lucky stars that the children were catching the bus back home and that she wouldn’t have to drive anywhere.

  As she headed to her room to put on another, waterproof, layer, she remembered one final chore she needed to do—clean the rabbit’s cage in Dylan’s room and put some fresh sawdust down.

  She headed into the room, grabbing the bag of shavings from the bookcase.

  “Come, little twitchy-nose, I need to clean your cage quick-quick,” she said, bending down.

  She froze, staring in horror.

  Benjamin Bunny’s lettuce leaves were untouched. He was lying very still at the back of his cage and when she reached in hesitantly to feel his gray fur, his body was cold and stiff.

  Benjamin Bunny was dead.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  “Ryan!” Cassie shouted. “Come quickly.”

  She couldn’t take her eyes off the shocking sight of the prone rabbit and she felt tears welling up.

  Ryan’s footsteps thudded on the wooden floor and a moment later he was at Dylan’s door, his face filled with concern.

  “What is it?”

  “Benjamin Bunny. He’s dead, Ryan.”

  She pointed to the cage, noticing her hands were shaking.

  “Dead? Are you sure?”

  Ryan hurried into the room.

  He reached into the cage and gently took the rabbit out.

  Its head lolled sideways in his grasp.

  “Oh, no, this is terrible. He’s ice cold and you can see his limbs are starting to stiffen. Poor little thing.”

  “What do you think could have happened to him?”

  Cassie sniffed, rubbing her eyes hard.

  “I don’t know. I’ve no idea about rabbits. Dylan’s only had him three weeks but I know he was an older pet; he got him from someone who was moving and didn’t want to take him with them. So it could be that his time was up.”

  “A heart attack?” Cassie hazarded.

  “Perhaps. He doesn’t look to have suffered,” Ryan said.

  “Could it have been the cold snap?”

  “No, Dylan researched his care. Rabbits are cold weather animals and prefer cooler temperatures. And I can see nothing changed in his diet, his water’s fresh. He must have just had a heart attack or a stroke or something. Dylan’s going to be gutted. He adored Benjamin.”

  Cassie felt sobs rising inside her again and fought to control them. She didn’t want to break down and weep in front of Ryan.

  “I’ll go out and bury him now in the back garden near the compost heap. And I’ll think of the best way to break it to Dylan.”

  With the furry body held carefully in his hands, he walked out of the room.

  Cassie took a deep, trembling breath.

  “I’m sorry, little bunny,” she said, blinking hard.

  She checked on Orange and Lemon, but the two fish looked healthy and well, swimming around their mini aquarium.

  Then she sat on Dylan’s bed for a while with her head in her hands, unable to stop the tears from flowing when she thought about the loss of the small gray rabbit, and the devastation it would cause Dylan when he found out.

  After a while she felt Ryan’s hands gently rubbing her shoulders.

  “I’ve buried the little guy,” he said. “Come on. You need to take your mind off this so I say we go out, have a drink, toast bunny’s life, and cheer up. It won’t do Dylan any good if we’re in pieces about it.”

  *

  Two hours in the warmth and chatter of the local pub took Cassie’s mind off the shock and she was glad that they had a chance to talk it through.

  “Losing a pet is such a wrench, no matter how it happens,” Ryan said.

  “Have the children had other pets?” Cassie asked, feeling that this home would be made even friendlier by the presence of a cat or dog.

  “I grew up with cats in our home, but after I was married, that wasn’t possible, due to allergy problems,” Ryan explained.

  From the way he worded it, Cassie wasn’t sure whether one of the children was allergic, or if it had been his ex-wife.

  “What about you?” he asked.

  “When my mom was alive, we had a dog. He was a good companion and so much fun to have around. We used to walk him, feed him, train him. Or try to. He was quite old, and not very trainable.”

  “Did your mom pass away when you were younger?” Ryan asked sympathetically.

  “Yes. She died in an accident. After that, my sister and I were raised by my dad, together with—various girlfriends along the way. It wasn’t a happy home life. My dad was an angry person and he became worse after she died. My sister, Jacqui, ran away from home when I was twelve. She’d protected me for so long but it reached a stage where she just couldn’t anymore. After that it became even worse. I left home as soon as I could, too.”

  “Oh, Cassie. You’ve had such a rough time. No wonder you’re so mature and wise. I told you I sensed that in you, and now I see why it’s there.”

  Ryan’s voice was filled with sympathy as he leaned closer to her. She felt grateful for his compassion. Trusting him with these details felt like an important step—for her, and also for the two of them.

  “Where is Jacqui now?”

  “I don’t know,” Cassie said, confessing the awful truth that had filled so many of her thoughts and nightmares over the years.

  “You don’t know?”

  “She never contacted me again. For years I hoped she would. Every time the phone rang at home, I thought it might be her. Then I moved away, and my dad moved house, and every time there was another degree of separation, I would think of Jacqui and how it would be more and more difficult for her to find me again.”

  “There’s social media,” Ryan said.

  “My account’s super-private, and I don’t think she has an online presence at all. I’ve looked for her often but never seen a trace of her.”

  “Where do you think she went?”

  “I think she went to Europe, and I don’t know what happened to her after that. I thought for a while she was dead, but recently I’ve changed my mind. I think she’s alive, and I believe I will see her again one day.”

  Cassie thought of Renee’s message about the mystery woman who’d refused to give her name.

  It might be Jacqui. Scared, damaged, and surely feeling guilty about all the years of silence. It might take a while for her to get the courage to call again.

  “I hope that happens, Cassie. Living with that uncertainty for so long is a burden you don’t deserve to be carrying.”

  Ryan checked his watch.

  “We’d better be getting back. We have our boy to think about now.”

  She glanced at him sha
rply, wondering if he realized what he’d said and how he’d used the word “our,” but he didn’t seem to notice, or regret, the words that he had used.

  The rain was easing off as they headed home, although the wind was still strong. After two beers, Cassie was glad of the brisk, sobering walk. She hadn’t realized until she had gotten up how much the alcohol had affected her and she was worried she would become over-emotional when Ryan broke the news to his son.

  When Dylan and Madison arrived back, they burst into the house, with Madison shrieking and laughing from the short run to the front door.

  “Hello, Dad, hello, Cassie. Dress rehearsal went really well. My costume is awesome! I get to wear this really sparkly, pretty dress because I’m rich and I’m spoiled.”

  “Glad to hear it, lovely. Come into the kitchen now. Do you two want a cup of tea?”

  “No, thanks.”

  Looking curious, Madison came into the kitchen, with Dylan close behind.

  Cassie took a deep breath as she saw Ryan’s serious face. She hoped she wouldn’t start crying.

  “Dylan, I’m afraid I have some bad news about Benjamin Bunny.”

  Cassie heard the sharp intake of Madison’s breath. Glancing at the children, she saw Madison looked stricken. Dylan, however, was expressionless.

  “What happened, Dad?” he asked.

  “When Cassie cleaned the cage, she noticed that the little guy wasn’t looking well.”

  Now Cassie’s head jerked around and she stared at Ryan, wide-eyed. This wasn’t what had happened. Where was he going with this?

  “We immediately rushed him to the vet, and they confirmed that he was an older animal who had started to experience heart failure. They said that if this continued Benjamin would undoubtedly suffer, and feel progressively worse for the remainder of his life, and that the condition was irreversible and terminal.”

  Cassie couldn’t breathe as she listened.

  “They advised putting Benjy to sleep to prevent any further suffering. Cassie and I held him and he didn’t know a thing about it; he was calm and comfortable, and with the painkillers they gave him, he was even feeling well enough to take a small bite of carrot before he went to sleep.”